And So It Begins

To My Loyal Reader:

Kind of presumptuous of me isn’t it??  

You haven’t scrolled down in this blog yet and I am calling you loyal.  Before I get to the actual material there are a few things that need to be mentioned.

The most important thing you need to know is there are no answers in this book. Only observations and questions.  Over the years I have witnessed many random acts of kindness and just as many random acts of stupidity.  The results are depicted in the following pages.

This book is about human behavior and common elements of our lives that just don’t make sense to me.  No one is safe.  No topic off limits.  And I don’t mean to offend anyone in particular, but if I do, please understand I don’t care.

And if you feel compelled to rant on some platform about the contents of this blog I guarantee my response will be to quote the legendary Sergeant Hulka from the movie Stripes – “Lighten up Francis!!”

Come to think of it this is a very common phrase that was way ahead of its time. Francis can be male, female, or whatever someone wants to be. It can be Francis, Francisco, Francesca, Frankie and the ultimate one name fits all modern day genders – Fran.  

But I digress. 

I do hope you enjoy this work.  It is the culmination of many years of observing this crazy, diverse, interesting and ever changing world we live in – and the many crazy, somewhat diverse, and definitely interesting people that surround us all.

May God grant you health and happiness – sorry no refunds for any atheist that got to this point.  I can’t help it I grew up Catholic and went to Catholic school – which means I invoke God a lot, rarely go to Church as an adult, can’t spell worth a lick, and my grammar sucks.  

But not to worry my editors are great so you won’t find a ton of gramtical errors in the following pages. If you do please point them out so I can give them a hard time.

And finally, I am not going to do the common thing of thanking everyone that got me to this point as it makes no sense.  You don’t know them and you really don’t care so why mention my supporting cast by name.  They know who they are, they are loved, and know that I would not be able to do this without them.

So…lets get after it shall we??

CHAPTER ONE

Not Everyone Loves Your Dog

Lets face it. Dogs are everywhere. 

They are on leashes, in strollers, in grocery stores, on airplanes, in front car seats, rear truck seats, hotel rooms, restaurants, cafes, c-stores…I could go on and on.

Dogs are very common.  But dog owners thinking everyone loves their pooch as much as they do makes no sense!!

And don’t get me wrong I love dogs.  If a puppy walks down my street I am like a human puppy rolling around on the ground playing, petting and scratching ears!! Whoever owns the puppy tries to never walk past my home again.  Funny thing is the dog tends to pull them around the corner toward the house if I am outside putzing around in the yard.

And lets face it – Men are dogs.  Which means I love to hump my hot wife’s leg any chance I get. Lets just say it isn’t a turn on for her but if a dog can do it why cant I??  I love it, and she is hot.  It was this simple show of affection that caused her to utter the words “Men are Dogs”.  Not saying I disagree but I cant be a dog as I can’t lick my balls. As much Yoga as I do – and we will touch on Yoga later in this book – I just can’t get there.

But back to Dogs.  I am sure if you are reading this and a dog owner you probably have a beautiful, awesome, loving, member of the family, poochie!!  

But the next time you are with your poochie in public and you approach someone who really is not into dogs – just WALK AWAY!! 

Hot Wife doesn’t like dogs.  Did you think I was just going to mention her related to leg humping??   And I cannot tell you the number of times she stops in her tracks and says,

“I really don’t like dogs”  when someone is approaching her.

And of course the dogs human companion has to say something like,

“He is really kind”

“She is so gentle and sweet”

“He won’t bite and just wants to say hello”

And lets not forget that the voice used by said human companion has to be the same voice we all have used the first time we meet a newborn baby. You know the voice!!

And it amazes Hot Wife the number of times people are just appalled that she doesn’t like their dog!!  Things really escalate when someone has a dog in a restaurant.  Dog laying there licking his sack while you try to enjoy avocado toast and drink a latte.  Spaghetti and meatballs might be ok at that moment, but appetizing food choices can be tough in that situation.

And it is always comforting when the kitchen staff comes out to say hello to their favorite customer’s dog.  They get on the floor, roll around with the dog, let the dog lick their hands and face – and you know they are not washing their hands when they return to the kitchen!!!

And this is not really about Pets in general. Just Dogs. You don’t see people with Cats in strollers, in grocery stores, on airplanes, in front car seats, rear truck seats, hotel rooms, restaurants, cafes, c-stores…I could go on and on.  

Maybe it’s the whole “Man’s best Friend” thing.  Speaking of which you ever wonder why this phrase made it through last several years of binary, non binary, transitioning, gender doesn’t match the plumbing mentality??  I can’t imagine trying to figure out how to settle one “________’s best Friend” in these gender confusing times.   I will pass on this as  I think a whole book could be written on this topic.